So to begin with, you may find my words controversial. I am used to that, I tend to say things that will make a person go hummmm. I am warning you prior to reading my blog today because of the fact I get the feeling either people will or agree or won’t agree. I ask as you read this, remember this is my opinion, you are entitled to your opinion just as I am mine as long as that 1st Amendment Right is still in play. That being said, for my readers out there, you already know this may stir a bit of controversy. Good, it will get people talking.
Today, 2/23/15 it was brought to the attention here in Chicago of a situation that happened at UIC, the University of Illinois at Chicago; that a young man acted out a scene from that ever popular book/movie that I shall not name. I choose not to name it because I do not support the book or the movie. I have never read it and have no intention to do so. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a black mark on my lifestyle. This is my lifestyle, the BDSM world. I make no bones about that. I am not ashamed of it or try to hide it. I do however respect the unwritten rules of the lifestyle and how they are played. I also respect the people who are in this lifestyle.
Granted, I am not saying the boy is completely guilty in this case, nor is he innocent. When the young lady insisted that she was not okay with the situation, he should have stopped. Period, point blank. One may argue and say, ‘Stop/ means ‘Go’ and ‘No’ means ‘Yes’ in this world. And with those who practice this lifestyle, this is true. Mind you, for a novice who has not learned the ropes so to say, it does not. This is a serious situation where not only is a person’s body at stake, so is their mind.
Myself, I was educated and continue to become educated in this lifestyle. It is important for myself to know my limits as a Dominant and my slave or submissive limits at the time. Those limits are to be respected. Granted most will say a slave does not have rights if you are in our world, however a Dominant always knows when to push and when to back off without destroying the mentality of the person in that role.
The BDSM lifestyle is not about beating someone black and blue or rape, though there are situations where that is wanted by both parties. There is no question in that. Does it make it right? Depends upon the person you ask. A person from the outside who does not understand the world, would say it is sick. A person who is living in the world would say, if we are consenting adults, it is our right to choose. I am not saying it is okay to do any of these actions in the BDSM world/lifestyle without the parties involved agreeing to the terms prior to play. The reality is a relationship in the BDSM world must be respected by all parties involved. It is not about hurting your partner or destroying their spirit, there is a form of love there. If you do not practice this lifestyle, it is very hard to explain that statement, those who do practice completely understand that statement.
What this boy did was wrong, no doubt. What started off as an experimentation between two consenting adults became a court case and 2 lives that will forever be impacted by the actions that went too far because of a movie/book that an artist did not think about how people would react, rather a paycheck and fame. I have always said as artist we are responsible for what we put out there. That includes the actions that we cause. When I write my erotica, I think about how this may affect someone. When I write my BDSM stories, I always dig deep and remember the steps that are needed for both parties to play safe, sane and consensual . This includes, build up, mind set and after care.
If I would not do it with a slave/submissive in real time, I will not write about it. I love my world and the people who play in it. Most are not who you think they might be. Most are fully educated about the lifestyle if they are serious about it. There are a lot who live it on a day to day basis. It is not a book nor is it a game. It is a reality. We do not like to see this happen in our already misunderstood lifestyle. We don’t like to see people hurt to the point there is permanent damage, or at least I don’t.
Right now, Chicago seems to be the first place that this has happened, perhaps it is the first place where it has been reported. The reality is, I do not feel it will be the last. That is a shame, as much as an artist is responsible for their work, mind you people also responsible for their actions. You can not blame an artist for what you do and think it is okay to do so, however some responsibility does have to fall back on the imagination process and how it was woken up.
I will never support this book nor the artist who wrote it, I do not agree with what happened between this young man and woman. I support safe, sane and consensual play between the parties involved. I also encourage if you choose to participate in this lifestyle, be mindful and educate yourself, no matter what side you are on, Dominant or submissive/slave. Understand what you are getting into and always, always have an open communication and a safe word where allowed.
Please be mindful in your comments and respectful as this has been my opinion based off living this lifestyle since I was 17.
This concludes our blogcast day.