The memories racked my mind as I slammed into the desk with my fist. Angered my bottle of Vodka fell. Shattering, screaming thought the night. This even angered me more. The nectar seeped into the floor leaving behind the smell of absence. It was as if my body was not my own as I seethed inside this rage.
Now I had to go out since the girl would not return for a bit. The other bottle, much like the collection I had in the corner, was empty. I could not go without my drink. I pulled myself out of the chair, it groaned to be released of my weight. I would remember that groaning as if it were a part of me.
I looked out the window. There was a storm coming. I felt it before in my bones as they ached. I looked at the bane of my existence. It screamed at me, “Look, look at your life. What wast you leave behind for the men whom will live to pick up after you.”
I shoved off the feeling knowing it was true. I was not a man of much, but what I did have, I earned. I wrote, I proofread. I had begun when I was 18. My age now was inconsequential. I found the black leather duster that hung from the corner. I covered my form like the night that encompassed me. I took one last look at what I hoped no man would ever endure to clean, my life.
I opened the door feeling for the smokes, my smokes. There were none in the pocket. I wondered if I should just get them at the store or move quickly back to get the pack on the desk. I shook my head, the store was five minutes away. I stepped out and shut my door behind me. Pulling the collar of my coat to cover my ears, it was more so to hide.
The hallway was empty, much like the men of the day. Nothing in their eyes. The wood needed to be cleaned, the walls painted. There was a heaviness in the air that was not usually there. As I got to the steps, I remembered the manuscript. It sat open on some page I had not even gotten to. I remembered scanning over it. something about love.
I knew I would not be gone that long, so I left it as it was. I began down the stairs, passing no one. I am not even sure, in this building, anyone stayed up past 6 pm after their Wheel of Fortune was over and Pat Sajak and Vanna disappeared into the curtain. Such as the curtain being drawn over the other tenants here at the end of their life.
Shaking off the must of the hallway. I traveled down the stairs as best I could muster. My weight seemed to increase with every step that I had to fore out. The closer I got to the people below, the more I wished I had not left that pack of cigarettes up stairs. To go back up to the apartment now would be fatal to me. I began to exit out the door that was held open by some young tenant.
I am sure they would be gone soon like most, the others whom finally decide to get out of the fear they contained with in and live. As for the rest of us who lived in this dank, disgusting pit of hell, we determined our fates by stepping foot in and not leaving when opportunity finally came knocking and we ignored that. No matter how many times we are told. Like the dirty linens on the floor, forgotten until time to be washed and then once clean, however even in the cleanliness, remained dirty.
I nodded as I passed by the soon forgotten tenant. Moving on, I went towards 65th street. There was a small shop there I could get in and out of quickly, before I even felt the dust out of my lungs for the air of home and the dangers of the lack of life contained. Arriving at the store, I entered and saw two people in the store and the cashier. I went to the cashier and nodded. He knew exactly what I needed and wanted.
I pointed to the smokes. He took out a carton and then handed me one pack. I began to pack the smokes, I noticed the store owner and I were alone. Thankful the people were gone, I paid and nodded giving him a tip for the help and service. Exiting the store I saw him nod just as I had done towards him.
It was strange for once I was watching as if slow motion. I moved out, shaking the feeling that I had been through this before. All too much the same, the breaking of the bottle, the anger that raged, the feeling of death. The vile I had to take to function. Shaking my head, I felt the stinging sensation in my back as I turnned, I saw the eyes. They were dark and red as he smile and the teeth remained jagged. It was then I saw a black light.
Until next week my friends…
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