The silence of my apartment surrounded me. It was deafening. As I sat in that silence I poured myself a large drink of Vodka and lit another smoke. I debated about dinner, I felt I was too far gone to call to have something delivered. Placing the manuscript on the desk, I stood and ambled over to my fridge. Opening the door, I found last nights dinner. Pork Chops and green beans.
My angel had brought that over to me for dinner yesterday. I put it in the microwave to heat it up. While I waited, I felt my body crushing my hips and knees. Looking back at the desk, I longed to be sitting there. The microwave dinged and I grabbed a fork and a knife to go with my dinner. I slowly walked back to my desk as I heard the neighbor downstairs pound on her ceiling. I wanted to react but knew she was not worth the effort.
Sitting in my chair, it groaned as if to criticize me about my weight. I paid no attention to it. I was looking at my food. She had brought it to me last night knowing I would not eat because all I had in the house was a can of peas, some spaghetti, and tons of food in the fridge that should have been tossed out a long time ago.
I tore into the Pork Chop it was a bit dry, but it still tasted good. The green beans were at least still stiff and required a fork to pierce them. I looked at the manuscript. What things was it hiding? Why is it so cryptic? What could I learn from it?
Shaking my head, I refocused on my meal. Glancing at the manuscript that I felt it was taunting me. Then I thought about her. She was in all black, wearing her jewelry, a soft smile that would make a man swoon at her feet.
She recovered in my home. With care and love I had not shown anyone, except my mother. Soon she was on her feet and able to go out and help around the house. That was until one day I woke to a sight that I should have known was coming. She was in my viles. It was then I knew I could not trust her either. No matter how beautiful she was, she broke my trust.
One day she asked me what the viles were for? I simply answered, ‘Because of my chronic pain. I could not live without the viles.’ She simply nodded and let it be at the time. I never told her what the pain medication was. She must have asked around. I just knew I needed it on a daily basis and it had been that way since I was a young teenager growing into my adult body.
It was slow at first, a vile, a vile, missing. I just took for granted that I had taken too many as I often would do while racked with pain. Then there were more taken. When I confronted her, she screamed and said, ‘I am done living here in these conditions.’ My heart broke.
I mourned her just as if she was a lover. I had trusted her with the most intimate parts of my life. I mourned loosing the friendship. I mourned the life that had finally brightened up my world and my home. It was then the gauntlet came down on my heart and I swore never to love again.
It took her a few months to come back and apologized. She had gotten herself clean and changed. She wanted to repay by doing simple errands for me. I didn’t want to trust her, but she found a crack in my heart. I could never deny her of helping me. I could never trust her in fear of her hurting me. I gave her my trust, not the heart. The heart was too far gone.
Until next week my friends…
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